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By Bickford Carroll
Out
here in Burbank on the Warner lot
We use a “ Key” Light in nearly every shot.
It’s very necessary, they agree,
To get good results in photography.
You must have a “Key”, in the proper place,
To get the right light on the actor’s face.
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They have no trouble in getting it to burn,
But just where to put it is their chief concern.
Every thing else is like ABC,
But they can’t decide where it’s going to be.
You’d think that they would shoot it right down the middle,
But, instead they turn it into a big riddle.
Some want it dim, some want it bright;
Some on the left, and some on the right.
Some want it far away, some want it near;
Some toward the front, and some to the rear.
Some want it high, some want it low,
So they can’t decide where it’s going to go.
Frank Flanigan searched, with much concern,
To find the best spot from which to make it burn.
He held a conference with Ray Fernstrom
To decide the proper place to make it burn from
But to get it in the place that was the best for all,
They would have to knock a hole in the sound stage wall.
They finally sent for Buddy Boes;
They figured he could tell them where the key light goes.
He walked in, and said, ”I have been sent
To tell you people where the Key Light went”.
But the spot he picked was the sheerest folly;
It was right in the way of the Grip’s crab dolly.
Then they put out a call for Charlie “O”;
They thought he could tell them where it ought to go.
When he arrived, he said, “I suppose
That I’ll have to tell you where the Key Light goes”.
But when they put where he picked a place,
It threw a camera shadow on the actor’s face.
Everett Miller walked over, and said, “I can fix
er”,
But he tripped on the lamp, and it fell on the mixer.
He put it back in place, as near as he was able,
But he fouled it all up, when he stumbled on the cable.
He fell on the script clerk; we thought that he would kill ‘er
And Bob Farmer said we’d call him “Tanglefoot Miller”.
So, they sent a man out to get Ralph Owen;
They knew he could tell them where the Key Light’s
goin’
He Said, “just tell me if it’s day or night,
And I’ll show you the spot for your darn Key Light”
But where he put it made the soundman groan;
There was a big black ‘Duck’ from the microphone.
Now, if the whole thing was left to me,
I’d go ahead and shoot it, without any ‘Key’.
I’d shoot it like they do at some other places,
And forget about the light on the actor’s faces.
That’s why it takes so long to make these shows;
‘Cause NOBODY KNOWS WHERE THE KEY LIGHT GOES.
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FOOTNOTE:
By Paul Caven
This poem was an industry legend for many years. It was written in the 1950’s by Bickford Carroll an uncle of Brother Andy Carroll. The brothers mentioned were all “Warner Bros. men”. Frank Flanigan and Ralph Owens were Warners Gaffers for many years. Buddy Boes was a Best Boy who worked for one of Warners top Gaffers, Lee Wilson, for many years. Together they did many of Warners biggest movies. I had the extraordinary furtune of working with them in 1967 on the Warner Bros. huge budget movie “Camelot”. They were a class act. Charlie “O” is Charlie O’ Bannon. Another long time Warners man, he gaffed many movies and eventually TV’s. I worked with Charlie “O” a few times and I remember him telling me stories about when he worked as an operator on the first talking movie, the Warner Bros. landmark film “The Jazz Singer” with Al Jolson. Bob Farmer was a long time TV Gaffer. I worked with him on the TV series “The FBI” with Efrem Zimbalist Jr. In the 1970’s he became the Chief of the Set Lighting Dept. at Warner Bros.
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